192. How to Be Authentic {with Sam}

This is my third episode with Sam on the subject. Or at least the S. Start was the subject of love and logic. This is the part where we start talking about authenticity. I think authenticity is the most loving thing that we can. Engage in. Telling the truth is the most loving thing that we can do. And the sooner we tell the truth. The more loving, it feels. Here's what we have to say about authenticity. Another random thoughts What is the most loving thing that we can do? Be truthful. I think. Oh, yeah. Be authentic. And how do we even do that when we don't know who we are? Now we're getting on a huge tangent. Well, no. So being authentic is how you figure out who you are. Yeah. It's quite the opposite. You don't need to know who you are. That's actually really unimportant information. I love that you just said that. What you need to know is that. Being authentic with yourself and the people that you interact with. We'll leave you. To yourself, to your true self. To your true name? To your true calling. To your true love to your true passion. And if you are unwilling to be authentic, you won't reach those things. How do you be authentic? How do you be authentic? Yeah. Oh effort. With effort, it takes that for us to. Take effort. Um, as to be truthful with yourself first. And say yes. When you want to say yes and no one you want to say no and not it's that it's um, I think a lot of people. Have learned in authentic ways of being, and it's, it's really difficult. It's really difficult to unlearn those kinds of things. I have spent a long time. Trying to unlearn. A whole lot of stuff that I wish I just didn't never got my life would be so much easier if like I never learned. Those things and then had to unlearn them. And I knew I had to unlearn them because I hurt myself. With them. You know, And then I had to recognize. An even harder part of being authentic, which is like owning. That you did that. It goes back to being responsible, not a victim. Yeah. No, one's a victim. If everybody's a victim. No, one's a victim. I wish this like looks would translate, but it's, it's confusing. Like if, you just heard that and you went. Fuck my life. Right there. I'm right there. It's really confusing. And it's so easy to just talk about it and it's so hard to put it into practice. It's so hard to constantly. Check your statements. Yeah, I just said this thing. Was that really authentic? Or M I. Responding in like a knee jerk way with a predetermined response. Learned response. That's not who I am. But something that was given to me or taught to me. Or that I talk to myself. We're all doing that all the time. And it's really toxic and it's really difficult. but the work is just. Listening to yourself and asking, was that really me? And, you know, you know, Every time. It's not. You're fucking heart tells you. Pump the brakes like immediately. Yeah. So. I don't know what that is. I don't know if that's love or logic. Or if logic is actually. The same as love. And the more we talk about it, the more I'm like. Sounds full of shit. Oh, no. She's not, no, she's not. But she, you know, she probably was also trying to, Convince herself of something. When she said that we could go off on a really, yeah. We could go off on a tangent about convincing yourself and others and. Convincing. Yeah, I actually did an episode on that. I think already. Calming yourself, how to calm yourself? Yeah. just never asked, is this authentic? Yeah. And you will always be able to lie to yourself. So true. And the work I believe also is once you do start asking yourself, was that authentic? And realizing most of the things that you're going to catch yourself. Doing our not authentic. To be okay with that and say, okay, that wasn't authentic. What was that teaching me? And what can I do next time? How can I show up differently than next time? Absolutely. A humongous part of. Learning to be authentic in to do shadow work is to accept. That you're. Just this meat sack. With feelings. Trying to make more meat sacks with feelings. And there's art. Good luck. It's like you're are you fucking up? Good? You're doing perfect. Yep. Is it hard? Yeah, it's hard. Are you gonna nail it? No. Nope. None of us are. That's just that none of us are going to get it right. Nobody's perfect. Everything is wrong. Everything is right. Good and evil. don't exist except that, which the mind makes cell. Right. Everything outside of our. Emotional content for it just is. And that includes our actions. That includes our behaviors and our choices. They just are, once they've happened, they just are, you can't. So, this was exactly what I was talking about when I said attraction is happening. There attraction exists. Sure. Attraction exists, but that doesn't mean that you. That you love somebody. Being attracted. Is it, you know what I mean? Like, definitely not. Love exists too. And then. This is where we need to be authentic with ourselves. Because. If we're going to make a choice of partnership, We don't want to do that from a place of inauthenticity. Cause then we're reaching out. We're looking. Sort of making up the story. This person's going to make me feel better about myself or whatever the story is. This is going to complete me. I'm not cool. Validate me in a way that I'm only able to validate myself. Yeah. And that way I will feel good about myself because I don't, I lack the ability to give myself that validation. Is not love. That's a trauma response. Too. Being denied something. Emotional. At some point during your Childhood. And. Everybody's doing that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? Like. Like every time I look. Take a step back and like somebody, I, you know, a lot of. A lot of my friends call me. For some reason with like, for advice. Which is always, I'm just like mind blown and honored. But also mind blown because. Like I don't, I don't have it together. Like. I don't have it together at all. But I love giving them the advice. I probably shouldn't because I don't know what I'm doing. But if I don't give them advice, nobody's gonna, and really, they don't need my advice. They just need to talk. It's like so much of it. It's just. Being able to like, Have a safe place to just express yourself. This is where I'll stop. The episode and let you know that tomorrow we are Diving into the kind of advice people ask Sam and me, which is most often relationship advice. Why we're a little bit mind blown because we are both, uh, as single as you can be. And why we think. That's actually why people are asking us. So we'll talk to you tomorrow. And of course you can always go to buy me a coffee.com/ 1 0 0 ways, support the show, book a session. So you can ask your relationship advice. And if you want, feel free to ask me to get Sam involved and we can both do it. I think we'd have a good time with that. I haven't asked him if that's okay. Because I literally just had the thought right now. But if you want advice from the two of us together, Feel free to ask for it until next time we're sending all the love and then somewhere. We'll talk tomorrow.