193. The Best Relationship Advice {with Sam}

Yesterday, we ended the episode with Sam saying that his friends often come to him for advice. What are they asking you for? What, what kind of advice are they asking you for like relationship advice, or just advice? It's almost always. It is. Relationship advice. It's funny because I'm like the most single person ever. So I obviously know all about relationships. My friends do that to me as well. What are you guys thinking? And I'm like, uh, I think it's though, because I've learned not to abandon myself for another person. Right. So if I'm I'm S I'm single. I haven't met somebody with whom I. Would not have to abandon any part of myself. to be with right. I know for myself for a long time, I just was really bad about choosing my. Put the partners I chose same. And. I chose partners that would fulfill. My expectation of being abandoned. So I always picked partners that I knew. Would abandoned me. So then they would, and I'd be hurt by it. And then I just stopped. Uh, just like one day was like, Saw exactly what I was doing. And just had one of those, Like a swerve moment. Yeah. And everything changed and ever since, and like, I can't un-see it, I can't unlearn it. I think for my friends, to them. That seems like. Some sort of impossibility That I could just. Yeah, be okay alone. I don't. None of my nobody. I don't know. I don't have a bunch of friends that can just sit. Alone. For days and just be alone. I mean, I got the dog, so it's really alone, but the dog doesn't talk. Yeah. And it's not a human. Yeah. It's not, it's not an interaction in that way. Um, What was good to meet you? I can sit for days alone and be totally fine. It's a. Are you being sarcastic? And then I do like people though, too. Right? I love people and I love socializing, but I'm also just now very comfortable alone. Yeah. Which was such a satisfying. Thing to have happened. It is. cause I used to be caught up in yeah. Thinking like, you know, I had to be this, this other person that I'm just not, it's not who I am. I don't. think that we should just be in a relationship so that we're not single. Seriously sick. that's what I mean when I say love and logic. it's that toxic mentality that we're supposed to be in love that we're supposed to be in a relationship that we're supposed to be making babies. And. Getting on with, towards that 50 year anniversary. That's what people think of when they think a love. And that's not, there's nothing logical about that. That's that is so off from. Uh, logical view of, relationships or, or interactions or love. What love really is. This is so perfect. I just did a episode on commitment and why you should be very afraid of it. Because, yeah, it's toxic commit, commit the word commitment, which I can't remember the number episode, like 180 8. I heard seven maybe, but. The word commitment is to bring together was the first part of the word. The second part of the word is to let go of. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense, but then I, when you think about it, like energetically it's too. To connect yourself to something like saying I'm going to commit to making a podcast episode every day for a thousand days. And throwing it out, projecting it into the future and to some future that is non-existent. It doesn't exist. There is no future. And I'm saying that I am going to. Still want this. But people change all the time. Circumstances change all the time. I might die before I hit a thousand days. Or like if it's. Marriage, which I use is like, how in the hell do we know how we're going to change? So, what is the commitment? I think the only thing you can really commit to is yourself, but even then it's like, Honestly. Partnering. Seems mostly to me. If we're going to look at it from a logical point of view. Partnering is about procreating. Hmm. It's really, really difficult. It's really difficult to raise. Healthy. Happy kids as a single parent. It's, it's hard to raise kids as a set of parents who work in perfect concert with each other. Yeah, it, in fact takes a whole fucking village. Flew through for the long. well, because people act like women are supposed to just be able to be single moms and have careers and stuff like that. It's the most insane thing I've ever fucking heard in my life. I mean, I don't disagree. Like, what are you kidding me? Yeah, of course, because having a kid is easy and doesn't take any energy whatsoever. Totally. You could do two of that and have a 40 hour work week. No problem. And you should. I just So much of society has these weird. Toxic little skews to. Things like love or things like relationships or. You know what we're supposed to be doing? With our wives, which. The idea that anybody. could tell somebody else. Oh, what they should be doing with their life. Like their opinion matters. It's just the most inauthentic thing. And I've actually dealt a lot with a lot of that. In my life because I come from a family that, uh, like, you know, I told you earlier, my, my dad's a workaholic. My step-mom's a workaholic. And. If you're not working as hard as them. Well, you're just not successful. And if you're not successful, then you're failing. And if you're failing, then I just failed as a parent. So there's like, oh, well, like dealt with that for a long time. And so I have a real, like, Don't tell me shit. Kind of attitude. I can be really defensive about those things. Like, no, nobody's, There's no right answer for what somebody is supposed to do with their life. I so agree if you want to go live under a bridge, I support you. Do you want to go live in the woods? I support you. You want to be a billionaire? I will eat you. Just, you know, simple things like that. Yeah to support. And dinner. Please don't edit too much of my, where it's out. Oh, no. I will definitely keep the eat. You. I eat the rich eat. Uh, ranch. I'm still going to put it out there that if you'd like a Sam and me to do your session, feel free to let me know. Go to buy me a coffee.com/ 1 0 0 ways. I'm sure I can figure out a time when we can both get together and give you advice. On your relationship or anything really? If nothing else you'll feel better afterwards because we really do keep it light and remind ourselves all the time. And therefore whoever's around us. That life is not that big a deal. Next time Thursday, we're going to loop around and sort of come full circle. I think it will be the last episode. However, I may surprise you and there may be two more. Until next time we're sending all the love and then some more. We'll talk tomorrow.